Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Cheeseburgers and Green Bowler Hats

60% of the time I don’t enjoy listening to people tell me stories about their dreams. They’re highly insignificant to me and mostly confusing.

I devote a lot of my attention to my dreams. They usually involve one real person I know and compared to others’ dreams, they are fairly normal. I don’t just pass through tunnels of color. I have these four dreams from the last year written out on my computer.

Date of Dream

Main theme of dream

February 27, 2011

Roller-skate fight

March 8, 2011

BBQ with vampire sisters and wrestling bears

March 10, 2011

Rescuing a car from a carpeted sink hole

March 11, 2011

“Church Creep” driving backwards into houses

Most of the time, I can pull some sort of meaning and real-life application to them making these dreams significant and not confusing. One meaning is that when you meet vampire sisters, have a bbq with them. Or, don’t let “Church Creep” drive. Good rules to govern my life on. But for the first time in my life I cannot find any bit of significance to a dream. It was so eagerly bizarre that I woke up confused in my own bed. It went as follows.

Dream June 29, 2011:

I was in Utah. Utah is a place where everyone follows the latest trend, especially in food. High quality thick burritos? Check. Build your own yogurt stores? Check. Five Guys? Check. As Mike Johnson put it, “Salt Lake is so hipster, if you don’t have a button up shirt and a fixie, you won’t survive.” I saw a very long line at a fast casual restaurant (aka Denver originals Chipotle, Smashburger, and Noodles & Company ), so I decided to see what everyone was so eager to get. I got in the long line and at the end of the line the worker asked me what I would like to drink. I asked what he had. He said everything. So I said Mtn. Dew of course, and he handed me a 1 liter plastic cup of Mtn. Dew from his shelf of 1 liter cups. It wasn’t very special, but it did come in 1 liter size. So I went to the checkout counter (mind you this was all that was in the store, the line and the register), and the cashier said, “Your total is nine dollars.” I was appalled. I could get a 2 liter in the store for a buck. But everyone else paid. So I set down my drink, and grabbed a candy bar from the shelf in front of the counter, took a bite out of it and set it down on the counter as well, then walked out.

I walked out into another restaurant and realized I had to use the bathroom. So I asked a worker at the restaurant where the bathroom was located. He pointed to a door that clearly had “men’s room” on it. I walked in, and it was just an extension of the restaurant, but it was quite desolate except for the one table of patrons closest to the door. I had to pee, so I went to the corner and said, “I’m peeing, don’t look… Unless you want to.”

I finished my business and climbed out through the window into my backyard. So far, not very uncommon of a dream. There were a ton of people in my backyard. They were having lobster races on a special lobster racing table. My Grandad was the bookie, taking bets and moving money. It resembled the stock market. Except, there were lobsters racing. The cops shut it down, so we had to find a new place to race our lobsters. I helped my Grandad move the table down the street to the rec center.

Then it went really crazy. Kristen Thorne, Kali Harris and Collin Pierson showed up in 1920’s clothing as if they were classy or something. They placed a lot of money on the track and lost.

And then out of nowhere, and by nowhere I mean this is worse than “Field of Dreams” bizarre, a cheeseburger and a basket of onion rings ran through the whole scene. Ten seconds later, a green bowler hat, a pile of BBQ brisket and a leather watch followed them in hot pursuit. You could hear the green bowler hat (obviously the leader of the group) mutter as he ran past, “They’re running away from home, they’re running away from home, they’re running away from home, etc.” The remaining 30 minutes of my dream followed this chase. The cheeseburger and onion rings escaped those chasing them by going into the Grand Canyon and hiding away.

There are many factors I want to blame to be the cause of this dream. One is the fact that I’m listening to Neutral Milk Hotel all the time. When the first track goes, “When you were young you were the king of carrot flowers and how you built a tower tumbling through the trees in holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet and your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder and dad would throw the garbage all across the floor as we would lay and learn what each other’s bodies were for.”

The other factor was the cheeseburger and onion rings I ate at the Rockies game last night, which ended in a race to home plate in the 13th inning. Tulowitzki was hauling by the way and scored.

Still, I cannot pull any meaning out of this dream. It was very normal up until the chase scene, which was the majority of the dream. If anyone can interpret it, please help. Otherwise, just pray you never have a dream as utterly confusing and bizarre as this one.

"Two headed boy
She is all you could need
She will feed you tomatoes and radio wires
And retire to sheets safe and clean
But don't hate her when she gets up to leave"
-Neutral Milk Hotel- "Two-Headed Boy Pt. Two"

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