Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Wish I Were A Fish


I could swim and hide in the big blue ocean. There’s coral and caves and nooks and crannies. If I were a blue fish I’d be invisible. Or rather, camouflaged.

See, you can barely see me. A lot of people would prefer to be sharks instead of small fish at the other end of the food chain.

Note: The food chain is not a chain necklace made out of food. Although they do make candy necklaces. A fun thing to do with candy necklaces is to bite half of the candy ring off, and then fling half of the candy at other people using the elastic necklace. Sometimes it hits them in the eye and you’ll get embarrassed and remorseful. Those feelings will probably only last 5 minutes.

I would not mind being a shark, but if I had a choice, I would not be one. There are plenty of pros in favor of shark life. Bitches don’t front. But, sharks are born with a natural addiction. Did you ever see Terry the Bum living in his tent under the Perry Street bridge? Scary Terry was always cracked out of his mind.

The best advice of my life I received from Scary Terry. In 8th grade, we were on a field trip to climb the Rock. Terry, his long gnarly locks strewn in the wind, road by on his bicycle and rang his bell as he rode past. Through his unkempt beard he yelled, “Stay in school, kids!” I’m currently in school.

Cocaine, in its most common form as crack rocks, is to Terry as blood, human especially, is to sharks. They can smell their respective vices from miles away. Blood is one hell of a drug.

At this point in my life, I don’t think I have many vices.

For comedic effect, I will tell you a joke. I will use this joke as a jumping off point to my next subject.

There was a man, Edward we’ll call him. He was joined in holy matrimony to a woman. They had been married for many years. Ed’s wife, Melinda, believed greatly in greater things as most people logically do. One day they went for a walk through a state park. Melinda stopped many times along the trail. First, she stopped to look at a bee taking pollen from a flower. Melinda said, “Oh my! Look at this great work of God!” Then, she stopped to look at a magnificent waterfall. “Look at this magnificent waterfall!” She said, “God has created this wonderful waterfall!” Next, she stopped to look at a Momma bear and her cub. “This is such a great work of God! Look at the life cycle! It is so beautiful!” She exclaimed. They walked further down the path. When they got to a certain point, a tree fell. A beaver had chewed through the trunk to use for his dam home. It fell on Melinda, smashing her to the ground. She screeched at Ed, “Why are you not doing anything?! Why are you just standing there?! Edward!!!” Ed looked at the beaver to the tree and his smashed wife and responded, “Look at this great work of God!”

Old people are the best people. They are entitled to do whatever they want. On my drive this morning, I saw one walking across the street. I don’t see a problem with jay-walking; it’s effective. I should correct the sentence before last. The old man hobbled across the middle of Virginia St, relying heavily on his cane while traffic bore down on him. He didn’t give a crap if he held up traffic. That’s the life for me.

People from the age of 0-18 years also feel entitled. The awkward stage of life where humans don’t feel very entitled is called maturity.

I think it’s harder to act crazy than to act like the majority of society. Conformity is key. Today on my 6 minute walk between classes, I saw 42 people wearing Uggs. Uggs are uggly. But because they’re cool, 40 women and two men were wearing them. My shoes are just as simply made, but I don’t see anyone wearing like shoes. I’m not the captain of Rogue Squadron – I conform just like many – but I like to show my personality in being unique. Unique New York. New York’s unique. My friend Jeff makes his own shirts with funny phrases, such as, “It’s Business Time.” I admire him.

My aunt decided that my Grandad is too old for his own good. She bought him a cane. He uses it to pick up stuff. He needs a shoe: he uses his cane. He uses it so much for picking stuff up that the handle broke when my family was visiting. So Dustin glued it back together.

My aunt thought he was too old again and bought him a walker. It still has the tags on it and it sits in the corner of a room. He does what he wants.

Newborn babies do what they want. They sleep and poop and pee and cry and drink milk. I know someone who knows someone that had twins this morning. I’ve always been jealous of twins. They grow up together. They cruise the streets on dubs looking for biddies together. “Big Pimpin’, spending cheese. Big pimpin’ on B.L.A.P.s. We doing Big Pimpin’ up in NYC. It’s just that Jigga-man, Pimp-C and B.U.N.B. Check em out now.” – Jay - Z

I’m supposed to be writing an essay on the effects of soil pollution on a forest ecosystem through biomagnification. I am a horrible procrastinator. I want to do what I want. But alas, I guess I will conform for the time being. There are little battles every day. I feel some solace if I win a few of those a week.

A lot of my little battles lately have been with my personal demons. The background of my computer until just recently has been a picture of my favorite band, Brand New. It says, “FIGHTOFFYOURDEMONSFIGHTOFFYOURDEMONSFIGHTOFFYOURDEMONSSIGHTOFYOURDEMONS.” I found it inspirational. But now, I don’t as much. I think it’s a good thought though.

I changed my background to a picture of Orlando Perez, his daughter Valentina and I. That was a very happy day. I want to be that happy again. I thank all of my close friends for their patience with me.

“Because like dying young, idols got the best of me.
Well don't stop calling, you're the reason I love losing sleep.
And the building collapsed, so we'll shop one, we’ll shop one for something

I'll stick it at our skin, pierced for something.

Besides, don't release me until it's over.
And besides, you can't believe without bleeding.
And besides, you can't believe without bleeding.”

-Colly Strings- Manchester Orchestra

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