Night

I’m perplexed with the astounding moments I have while driving at night. I enjoy driving at night far more than during the day. If I have a long distance to travel, you better believe I do it at night. My emotions don’t lie to me at night. It’s as if I say to myself, “Ok self, be true to yourself… now.” I would count it as my mind unwinding with the events of every day, but when I lie down at night, I just toss and turn like the tumble mode on my dryer. The dryer I’m referring to is the one at the house my parents own, not the dryer at the apartment Jackson and I rent. It’s been a while, but if I remember right, it’s a GE and it shakes the whole house. It’s that powerful. If you ever need a good massage, go sit on the couch that wall that divides the two.

But on my drives at night, I don’t toss and turn. I’m relaxed. I figure out what’s important. I think things through. I realize realizations. These are the times I listen to music, yet I don’t really listen to it. Then these songs that I hear get tied to memories that aren’t connected. A certain song reminds me of a certain friend. I doubt I ever listened to this song with them. Every time I think of them because thoughts of them were berating my mind at the time. I was confused, and this song suddenly made sense, and then my situation suddenly made sense. For that tiny miniscule moment I saw the grand picture that God painted at the beginning of time. I floated along the path of code that dictates every occurrence. I’m not saying that it was a spiritual moment, it wasn’t. I wasn’t enlightened by that Spirit that is called Holy. My spirit coalesced with its surroundings.

I suppose it’s appropriate that the drives I remember from when I was younger are tied to a song that goes, “In and around the lake/ mountains come out of the sky and they stand there/ one mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you/ ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing too/ twenty four before my love you’ll see/ I’ll be there with you.” – Yes – Roundabout.

I saw the most interesting thing on my drive home tonight. Along McCarran Boulevard, there are those reflecting posts that mark the boundary of different directions. I was on the left of these sticks, so I knew I was headed the correct way. I passed one other car in the 4.1 mile stretch that I drive along this roadway, I passed possibly twelve cars headed in the opposite direction. That’s an average of approximately three cars a mile, or at the 50 MPH that is the posted speed limit, about one car per minute traveled. Keep in mind, I’m just guesstimating here. As I drove through the dark, the reflector posts reflected the light of my headlights, as their name suggests. As I came up and around the bend, the posts lined up in my field of vision. They passed each other on the x-y-z plane in a rhythm tied to the song playing on my stereo. The little squares of yellow filed along as items along a conveyor belt. The moment in my mind was sublime.

Tonight I was agitated. This moment put into perspective just how simple it all can be. The “it” I refer to is the general happenings of everyday life. I guess if you had to put a name on it, I would call it the timeline. Irrational thoughts bothered me today. The order and designation of those posts spoke to me. They said, “Devon, you are irrational and easily perturbed. You think too much of moments that are insignificant. If you step back, take a deep breath and open your eyes for once, your mind will speak the truth.”

Truth to be told, I’m living the life of my dreams right now. I don’t think I’ll bother to ask for anything else, as I really don’t need any change to the current system I have in place. The rhythm of everyday life is like those posts. I just go and go and go up and around the bend.

Denver grew me. Orlando molded me. Reno has used me. The places I’ve been are where I’ve needed to be. I really have no idea how this story they call my life can end. I feel that I’ve reached the climax point. When I hit 64, I know my 22 year old self was stupid for thinking such things. But really, I am happy, and besides happiness, what is there to wish for?

I lose sight of that from time to time. I think fate wants me to drive at night. Hence, my innate ability to experience insomnia. So I just drive. I’ve driven a bit and I’ll drive a bit more.

“Cassadaga might just be a premonition of a place you’re going to visit.”

– Bright Eyes- Clauridents (Kill or Be Killed)